But about a year ago i found myself in a very unfamiliar place where i felt quite alone and uncertain about my future or whether the calling i knew God has placed upon my life was ever really going to happen. In this year i was literally stripped of everything i ever thought i was and i felt the most forsaken. It's to date the darkest moments of my life, i won't elaborate... i'm not in a place where i feel led to share about those moments....i'll just say i'm grateful to be looking back and seeing how God brought me out of it. Maybe one day ill share that....i'm just not there yet....
But today as i sit drinking my starbucks in the empty kitchen of my home church i find myself thinking of the women God has placed before me this past year. The women God placed in my life in this season so i wouldn't feel like i was alone or walking this life with no direction or examples. So i want to take this opportunity to tell you (whoever you might me) who these amazing lighthouses for me are. They are in no particular order.....
Melissa Johnson:
This is a person who never lets me get away with anything. I mean i try, i won't lie. But she just calls me out on EVERYTHING, and in the greatest way.....with love. She is my reminder that the dream is possible and the tears are totally worth it.
Linda Riddle:
Ever had someone in your life who just see's past your BS? Linda is my BS meter. She will just say something to me, speak into my life in such a way and it always seems to just pierce my heart and always end up making me feeling like OMG she knows!? I want to be like the Jesus in Linda. She is the coolest person i have ever met and in the lonliest moments of the last year, God used her to harass me via email....and every time i would read her emails i would just cry and be like man if she only knew how screwed up i was..and alone i felt...every time i see her i just want to hug her and be like, " you helped save me....and you don't even know it!".... and then i'd cry like an idiot...cus i've become a crier in secret .....shhhh don't tell.
Pastor Kerri:
This woman is kind of my hero. Even though i feel like every time i have any kind of moment with her i totally make myself look like an IDIOT she always smiles and makes me feel important. And during the year where i spent trying to hide from church...and when i actually came but just tried to be invisible..she would stop me and say "we've missed you", or "where ya been?"...and when i finally dragged myself totally broken back to church, her words were always encouraging and made me want to be a better person & a better wife. She will always be my reminder that
1. God entrusted me with his call
2. Empowered me with the strength to persevere through the storm
3. Chose me even though i am unworthy of it all
4. and more than anything that he looks upon me and calls me Beloved.
Thank you Pastor Kerri...you just wrote the title track to my upcoming album....
Heather Lester:
One day when i become a mother i hope that i can be a mother like heather. Her kids are amazing and she is so awesome. And more than anything she understands me. I can tell heather anything and she just understands my heart. And that is so rare to find.
My LindseyStar:
The only person besides my beautiful husband.....who really knows who i am. She knows me. She knows the worst parts and the best parts. She knows my songs, and is able to see through my tears and understands my ramblings, and incoherent thoughts. She is my dearest friend and one day the godmother to my children. Her songs make me cry and want to leave my heart on the altar. And in my darkest moments i would think of her and how she survived things no one should be able to survive and she still worships God in Spirit and in truth. She's my LindseyStar, my lighthouse, and if i were Jonathan she would be my David.
And so i guess i'll leave this blog saying i'm grateful. I'm, grateful for my husband who puts up with me and always makes me feel beautiful even though im constantly saying...i need to loose weight. I'm thankful for my family...who even though they're totally nuts they've helped shape who i am. I amazed God gave me these women to help mold me in this moment in my life and im thankful this fasting season im not fasting from the church, but for the first time im becoming part of the body Christ in a way i never new possible.
-Chari
"every bone in my body, Lord it cries Holy. every thread of my being, Lord it cries, Holy!"
